Dear Fanfiction
by C.B. Magique
Summary: The Canon of Kingdom Hearts has taken issue with the fans and their fanfiction and is unloading its feelings in letters to us. But that doesn't mean that we don't have anything to say back.
1. On the topic of SoKai

This is not a completely original idea of mine. I noticed that a couple of people were doing this in the Doctor Who fanfic category and I wanted to do it for Kingdom Hearts. The premise of this kind of story is that it comes in the form of short letters from the canon to the fanfic authors to address the various memes and antics of fanfic authors that conflict with the canon in some way. The original part of this idea is having the fanfiction sector strike back with a letter of their own.

These are quite incidental and I'll upload as soon as I think of another one. They're also very, very short (microfics, really), so I'll start by uploading the first three all at once so that there's at least a little bit of content there.

Some of the fics may be followed by a short essay/note somewhat explaining the origin of the idea/point of the letter. Hopefully most of them should be self-explanatory, I don't want the author notes to swamp most of the page all the time.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts - which is part of the point of this fic. The credit goes to Tetsuya Nomura and his team at Square Enix and to Disney who don't actually seem to do anything except criticise any part of the series that isn't child-friendly enough.**

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction,<p>

In case you hadn't realised, Sora is in love with Kairi. He is not gay nor is he interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with his best friend, his Nobody or that spiky-haired blond guy who he actually barely even knows.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Well, then you should have been more specific._

_Love,_

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, any one else feel that SoKai isn't properly explored in the canon, even though they're supposed to be the canon couple?<strong> I can't tell you just how awkward I felt in KH2 during all of those supposed SoKai moments. They were supposed to be romantic but every time they appeared they were unorchestrated, random, awkward and unromantic. Geez, I think the worst one was the partner dance with Kairi as he remembered her that Sora was imagining in Halloween Town. Open position! Are you kidding me? Do they really expect me to believe that this unorchestrated, open position dance in the snow is somehow romantic. First of all, an open position - especially when it's that wide - is completely unromantic and the lack of appropriate soundtracking drains this scene of its emotional value. Not to mention that it looks stupid.

The worst part is, they definitely could have done better. See nearly every Disney movie ever made. See Final Fantasy VIII, IX & X. Both contributors to this series have been able to portray romance beautifully in past productions, which is why this failing to portray SoKai as a romantic couple is so disappointing. You know you failed at romance when the reunion with the best friend is more emotionally charged than the reunion with the lover (BTW, I also found the SoKai reunion scene really awkward).


	2. On the topic of incest

Dear Fanfiction,

If Sora was in an incestuous sibling relationship with Roxas, Ventus and/or Vanitas that would be kind of disturbing.

It's also illegal.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Siblings who are in love are not as disturbing as a naked white monster with vaguely phallic hands and feet that approaches you with a pelvic thrust._

_Love,_

_Fanfiction_

_P.S.: And you wonder why we're messed up._

* * *

><p><strong>Anyone?<strong>


	3. On the topic of Nobodies

Dear Fanfiction,

Nobodies don't have feelings.

At all.

They don't feel sympathy, regret, anger, sadness, happiness, joy or anything else. They do not care for each other in the way that normal people can. Nor do they have any kind of romantic feelings towards each other.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_They pretend. So do we. _

_Not to mention that after 358/2 Days, this argument stands on shaky grounds._

_Love,_

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>To be completely honest, I also hate fanfiction where the Nobodies are portrayed as emotional<strong> but I am only one among many different authors with different styles and preferences on this site and lots of people seem to enjoy it so I just let it go. And SquEnix did shoot themselves in the foot on this one.


	4. On the topic of AU

Dear Fanfiction,

What is the point of writing this crap if you're not going to use the original characters' locations, powers, background stories or situations?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Final Fantasy is asking you the same question._

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

_P.S.: Tidus called. He wants his girlfriend back. _

_P.P.S.: Setzer also called. He wants his dignity back._


	5. On the topic of retconning

Dear Fanfiction,

Birth By Sleep, Coded and 358/2 Days were both completely necessary additions to the series to explain some of the more confusing plot points. Without them the series would have been left as an incomplete mess of ambiguity.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon_

_Keep telling yourself that._

_Love,_

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><em><em>**I just had to go there. More of a critique of the canon than of the fanfics but I think that part of the beauty of this story is that I can do both.**

Let me also just make it clear that I'm not trying to outright bash those games. BBS was quite good, Coded was okay and 358/2 Days was really boring but nothing in those games was necessary to explain anything that had happened so far. Part of the reason why I say this is because of the shameless retconning that continuously goes on. Every time Nomura starts to invent a sequel, he goes back and makes a Final Mix of the previous game so that his sequel actually makes sense. Now, this didn't actually irritate me at first but when FM for BBS came out I went into a rage, screaming in my head: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU WANT ME TO PAY THE FULL PRICE OF A GAME FOR A LITTLE BIT OF EXTRA STUFF? YOU DO KNOW WHAT DLC IS, RIGHT?" Even at the end of the PS2 era DLC was already becoming available.

Anyway, point is: the Final Mixes give me the shits. I don't like having to fork out heaps of money for something that I already have but with a couple of extra bells and whistles attached. Especially when all it really serves to do is retcon the storyline so that the plot can get even more convoluted.


	6. On the topic of yaoi

Dear Fanfiction,

Why so much gay?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Because 75% of your characters are male and 60% of them are hot so we decided to make a party of it. _

_Love,_

_Fanfiction_

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_We had no part in this._

_Love,_

_Fanboys_


	7. On the topic of Final Fantasy crossovers

Dear Fanfiction,

Why do you come here to write stories about Final Fantasy characters?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_Oh, gee, I don't know…_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Actually, yeah, seriously people. Why do you write stories about Midgar or the Far Plane and then put them here? There's a crossover section for that, you know.<strong> Just because KH incarnations of the Final Fantasy characters have better costumes ;P

But still, you put FF characters in the series. Why wouldn't you expect for there to be FF related fanfiction?


	8. On the topic of MarySues

Dear Fanfiction,

Your Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu OC is not a welcome addition to the storyline.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Neither is yours._

_(See: Xion)_

_Love,_

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Here's where I put my troll face.<strong>

I know this is going to be a contentious one since the perceptions about Xion are very mixed among us fans. Some adore her just as much as Roxas or Sora, others hold the view that she is basically a canon-version of a Mary-Sue. And then there are fence-sitters because there are always fence-sitters. My personal standpoint is somewhere on the edge of the fence on the "Xion is a Mary-Sue" side, staring at that wooden obstruction and observing all of its perchers and continually reflecting and reanalysing the character and debating with myself whether I should get on with the other indecisives or just hold my "I do not appreciate this character's existence" conception.

At the end of the day, though, I think this is one of those rare times when Canon has actually won. Even if you do perceive that Xion is a Mary-Sue; just face it, she will never be as bad as the fanon Mary-Sues.


	9. On the topic of Sora

Dear Fanfiction,

Sora is a Crusader of the Light. He will never bend to the darkness.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon.

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_You know, we thought a similar thing about Maleficent but it seems miracles do happen. _

_Besides, everyone knows the Dark Side makes everything 20% cooler. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>About Maleficent, the parallel there was that she was meant to be a crusader of the darkness (she was in KH1 and in all Disney incarnations of her) but then KH2 happened.<strong> this letter is basically a response to all of those fanfics out there that feature Sora succumbing to the darkness in some way. They are usually very gritty and feature a post-apocolyptic KH-verse. But I do love them.


	10. On the topic of Vanitas

Dear Fanfiction,

Vanitas is evil. He is 100% darkness. He has no redeeming features, so stop pretending that he might.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_Your own explanation for Vanitas' conception is reason enough for us to believe that he might. _

_Love, _

_Fanficiton _


	11. On the topic of shipping

Dear Fanfiction,

Again, Sora and Riku are just friends. Axel and Roxas are just friends. We couldn't have been more specific.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_Actually, it was the specificity that made all of the subtext. And the subtext is yummy… so, so yummy. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_


	12. On the topic of subtext

Dear Fanfiction,

There is no subtext, least of all of the smutty kind.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_There is always subtext. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, there is always subtext... at least in the minds of fans (especially fangirls).<strong> And making something more specific increases the likelihood of a fan finding subtext. It also increases the likelihood of a fan _inventing_ subtext._  
><em>


	13. On the topic of idiocy

Dear Fanfiction,

Why do you keep portraying Sora as a moron?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_Why do __you__?_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>If you don't want a character portrayed as a retard in fanfiction, don't portray him as an idiot in canon. I felt that Sora had a very inconsistent character in KH2.<strong> It was like sometimes he was showing maturity but then all of a sudden he would turn around and become a childish idiot. I can forgive the childishness but the idiocy drives me insane. He wasn't even like that in KH1. _  
><em>


	14. On the topic of Kairi

Dear Fanfiction,

There is nothing wrong with Kairi. She is a perfectly nice character and I have gone to some lengths to prove that she is not completely useless. Stop writing hateful nonsense about her.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_Where do we even begin with this one?_

_Firstly, she takes prominence in the storyline without playing an active role in its events. Secondly, she takes priority in Sora's heart without playing an active role in his character development. Thirdly, it reflected very badly on her when she got kidnapped and wasn't able to fight back and showed no evidence of an attempt to figure out a way to escape. Fourthly, she doesn't seem to have any contributable skills aside from sewing seashells together. _

_Lastly, at the beginning you never showed Kairi having any battle ability whatsoever – she was never seen wielding a weapon, she was never seen fighting, she was never even seen using magic of her own volition. Then, at the end of Kingdom Hearts II, it seemed that she had somehow acquired the skill to fight Heartless with some degree of competency. You can understand how we might find that a little bit hard to believe, don't you? _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>We're all no strangers to Kairi-hate in KH fanfiction but most of it is very, very, very poorly justified and basically boils down to "I hate her because she gets in the way of my yaoi OTP"<strong>. This fanfiction response is actually based solely on my own reasoning for not liking Kairi as a character but if you're one of those people who doesn't like her and can't think of any particularly good reasons why, feel free to use mine. I'll even go to the trouble of expanding my analysis:

First point: I'm taking the term "active" to mean actually intervening in events to change or drive them in contrast with "passive", which is driving or changing events without intervening. I'm not arguing that she didn't play a role in the events but it was a passive role that could have been filled by any other person. Sora had 2 main goals in KH1: resuce Riku from the darkness and rescue Kairi from Riku. However, I think Sora would have still gone to the End of the World if his only goal was "rescue Riku from the darkness" because it was explicitly stated through in-game events, cutscenes and active interaction with Riku that Riku was just that important of a friend to Sora. Kairi was just... extra stuff. Her limited number of appearances and her limited actions further reinforced this. Simply handing over an important item does not make a character significant in their own right (it wasn't even a quest item and Sora already had better Keychains).

Second point: it's a little difficult to talk about the first point without talking about the second point because people are just going to argue that "Sora loves Kairi" and similar such things but Sora's interaction with Kairi is very limited. You see them play and interact with each other at the beginning of KH1 where you get a sense that Sora has a crush on Kairi but that's just it - there's no apparent foundation to this attraction and the storyline doesn't go into the same level of detail about Sora and Kairi's relationship as it does with Sora and Riku's. It doesn't get a chance to either because Kairi is such a passive catalyst in the events. Most of Sora's character development revolves around stuff that happened after getting sucked away in the Vortex of Darkness that took him from the Destiny Islands and Kairi wasn't there for about 90% of it. So I find it annoying when I get to the end of the game and there's a romancy-sap moment between Sora and Kairi and in my head I'm saying, "WTFM? This girl wasn't even there most of the time! I don't know much about her, I don't know much about her relationship with Sora and I don't understand why she is so important to him". It feels like you know Sora and Riku very well by the end but you don't really know Kairi. If there had been more information about significant interactions before the game events, then maybe I could have believed in the canon pairing a little more but the lack of proper interaction makes this relationship seem shallow.

Third point: There was never going to be any way that Kairi could have escaped from the much more powerful Axel but I would have more respect for her if she tried harder. The first escape attempt had Riku doing it for her, which was lame. The second time, Axel just grabbed her and dragged her off and she didn't put up much of a fight. The Usual Spot may be cramped but it's not so narrow that Kairi wouldn't be able to make her way around one person and Axel is really tall, so she may have had a chance of ducking under his grasp and running for it. Even if it had failed, if she'd tried I would have given her the respect salute. She just looked really weak and pathetic.

Fourth point: again, hard to talk about 3 and 4 independently. Kairi just doesn't have any useful skills or abilities, or at least none that she can use voluntarily. I would have liked her much, much more if she had been available as a sparring partner at the beginning of KH1 so that you could see that she had some abilties in battle and that would have made her more interesting. It seems that nearly all of her skills are domestic (e.g.: sewing, and in a production sketch that wasn't included in the final game, one of the possible game beginnings had her cooking and putting together a picnic for her male friends... which is pretty sexist). And in KH2 she doesn't seem to be doing anything while she's waiting for Sora. She's not training, you don't see any real evidence that she's studying for anything that might in any way help her reach Sora (i.e.: space flight or magic), all she does is throw a letter in a bottle into the ocean and then stands on the beach watching the horizon.

The last point is pretty much a summary of all four points. Kairi is just a very weak and underdeveloped character. I don't see any particularly good reasons why I (or anyone else) should like her. On the other hand, I don't see any good reasons why you should just outright hate her because she really isn't a bad person but her character really is one-dimensional and from my pro-feminist perspective her character seems to be based on some ancient template of what an ideal girl should be and has no connection to the contemporary examples of real femininity. Not many real teenage girls are like that anymore and if they are, they're not the ones who are playing video games! Learn your audience, Square Enix/Disney (because we all tend to forget that they had a part in this too).

Wow, the author note for this chapter is longer than the chapter itself. BTW, if you're wondering why I bothered to look at production sketches for KH, it's because a couple of years ago I did a 4000 word analytical essay about how anime had influenced the development of the RPG genre in video games and KH was one of my examples. ^_^


	15. On the topic of logic

Dear Fanfiction,

Nobodies are simply the body and soul that a strong heart leaves behind.

Roxas is a Nobody of Sora.

Naminé is a Nobody of Kairi.

Kairi and Naminé exist simultaneously, as do Roxas and Sora at some point.

Nobodies don't exist.

Why are you still so confused?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_Why are you asking us? You're the one who was supposed to explain this properly. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, Canon, you were. If you can't string together logical concepts, don't expect people to understand them. <strong>_  
><em>


	16. On the topic of AU roles

Dear Fanfiction,

Relegating Vanitas, Ansem, Xemnas or Xehanort to the role of petulant school bully, dickhead boss or snarky neighbour is a mockery of their characters.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_Because relegating the leader of the Balamb Gardens Disciplinary Committee to a wannabe thug is... what?_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Hmm… what's that sound? Methinks I hear Seifer calling from the FFVIII-verse.<strong>


	17. On the topic of crack pairings

Dear Fanfiction,

As much as I don't like it, I can understand SoRiku. As much as I don't like it, I can also understand AkuRoku, Namixas, Larxel, etc. But why do some pairings even exist? I gave you no clues, no subtext and yet somehow you manage to work the most incompatible characters into relationships.

How? Why?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Nothing's impossible when we use our IMAGINATIONS!_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry, but I just can't find a logical excuse for fanfiction to throw back so this one simply falls onto the most convenient explanation. And besides, this site's tagline <em>is<em> 'unleash your imagination'.**


	18. On the topic of simple facts

Dear Fanfiction,

Nobodies do not age. Why aren't you willing to accept this?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Heart Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Because Zexion isn't nine years old. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><em><em>**Okay, first somebody pointed this fact out in a review and then I went and found the original interview where Nomura stated this: Nobodies don't age.** Okay, it's nice that you've said that, Mr. Creator, but it doesn't make any sense! Because if it did, that would mean that Zexion would have to remain the age he was when he was turned into a Nobody ten years ago, which (going by mere appearance in BBS) is somewhere between 6 and 9 years old and yet Zexion appears to be between 17 and 20. Also, Axel and Saix appear to be at least in their twenties but in BBS they're in their teens.

So yeah, I don't believe this one. I know that as a nerd/otaku I should be one of the first to take any fact stated by the creator as unequivocal law but I just don't believe this one. Fanfiction wins here.


	19. On the topic of high school AU

Dear Fanfiction

You do realise that the Disney characters exist, right?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon_

_Sorry, but they don't fit into our high school AU fantasies. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Just saying... there's an awful lot of slice-of-life and high school AU's out there with very little mention, if any, of Disney characters.<strong>_  
><em>


	20. On the topic of Sora's mother

Dear Fanfiction,

If it mattered who Sora's mother was, I would have told you already. And while I'm here might I point out that she's not Aerith, Tifa or any other female Final Fantasy character who you might care to think of.

And she's not your OC either.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_If you allude to her existence and then refuse to indulge us any further, it's fair game._

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Silly Canon! Don't you know that that's just how fanfiction works? So yeah, shout out to <span>Some Random Tosser<span> who suggested this idea** but at the time he originally suggested it I had no clue on what to write. I guess I got one. :)_  
><em>


	21. On the topic of Riku's father

Dear Fanfiction,

Stop this nonsense about Sephiroth being Riku's father. It's clearly evident that he's not.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_If you weren't going to be okay with that you should have made them look very different._

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_


	22. On the topic of head canons

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm the canon. You don' t need to make up your own.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_If you had properly filled in the cracks in your plot, we wouldn't want to. _

_(Actually, even if you had properly filled in the cracks in your plot we would want to.)_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Again, it's just how fanfiction works (shrugs). The head canon condition in this fandom, though, is quite chronic. Not that I mind, I'm used to being part of fandoms with chronic cases of head canon (like most comics, some anime and Doctor Who). <strong>I know that this is once again going to be a contientious thing with many passionate fans but don't get mad. There's nothing wrong with not having a perfect (or perfectly consistent) plot. I wouldn't still be here if I wasn't _utterly in love with KH_ and I'm a big fan of other things that have even bigger, more obvious plot holes. I don't try to excuse them because I think they're part of the charm.**  
><strong>


	23. On the topic of crossovers

Dear Fanfiction,

I consist of Disney and Square Enix, nothing else. Least of all Naruto.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_You are the most ultimate of ultimate alternate universes, a crossover paradise. _

_And we can dream. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>I've been over in crossover land recently and I've noticed that FF7 is the most crossover-ed fictional work with KH, after that is Naruto.<strong> I swear, it's always Naruto! I have yet to go into a crossover section where there wasn't a Naruto crossover. I don't understand what is so great about Naruto that everyone wants to cross it over with everything (and yes, I do read Naruto, in case there are any die-hard fans catching this, I'm just not a huge fan). But still, I love crossovers in general and I digress - as it's often said: don't like, don't read. Have your Naruto crossovers if you so please and I just won't read. _  
><em>


	24. On the topic of horror themes

Dear Fanfiction,

There is no horror element in me past the fun horror of Halloween Town. There is especially no element of survival horror. Please keep your disturbing monsters and Freudian psychology away from me.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_We beg to differ. Heartless, Nobodies, Unversed and the existence of the Realm of Darkness open up all sorts of gritty possibilities. _

_Not to mention Fridge Horror… so much Disney Fridge Horror…_

_Love,_

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Personally, I love survival horror versions of Disney and especially Kingdom Hearts. I'm just into horror and stuff.<strong> And the Freudian thing is just because I've noticed, not so much in fanfiction but in the canon of many survival horror games, movies, books, etc., that Freudian psychology is a very key influence in the development of plot, creatures and character development. If you're wondering why I left the new enemies out, it's because I don't think the Dream Eaters are the least bit scary. To me, they looked like something from Neopets (anyone still remember Neopets?) or a Littlest Pet Shop catalogue. _  
><em>

Also, a little FYI section: if you don't follow TV Tropes or just don't know what Fridge Horror is, it's the sudden realisation that something is creepy/horrific/disgusting/just plain wrong. This normally refers to visual media - mainly TV shows - but it can be applied universally. Fridge Horror is particularly prolific in children's media, especially when its stuff you watched as a child and then watched again for nostalgia only to realise that something particularly awful went completely unnoticed by your innocent child-eyes.

I'll give a few Disney examples:

Dumbo: so you're sitting there, watching that sweet film about an adorable flying baby elephant when all of a sudden you realise: "O.M.G! Those crows' characters are based on a racist stereotype of 'Jolly African Slaves'!"

Or, in The Little Mermaid: you're sitting there, watching Ursula make her first appearance and one of the first things you see her do is eat an apparently sentient shrimp _alive_... and chew on it, granting it a painful, unpleasant death by being ground between her teeth.


	25. On the topic of female representation

Dear Fanfiction,

You know, it was my intention to make Kairi one of the heroes all along; you really jumped the gun on this one. I also made Aqua one of the principle heroes and what's wrong with Larxene and Xion?

I've done enough to represent females. Your stupid accusations are baseless.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_Ha, you think? Should we mention that you failed the Bechdel Test in every game but one?_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>The sexism issue came up a little in some of the reviews<strong> and after I came across a channel called Feminist Frequency on Youtube with a girl who is about to do a kickstarter project on sexism in video games, I started to think about it and decided that yeah, we should call this one out. I also started thinking back to fanfiction I've read ever since I started reading fanfiction for Kingdom Hearts and there have always been stories where fans have tried to make Kairi the hero. That's right, not A hero, THE hero. Those fics are actually quite rare but they did come up (this is where fanfiction 'jumped the gun' as canon put it). The 'accusations' part was referring to this small group of people who like to point out the sexism in KH. It would often appear in the author notes of the "Kairi is The Hero" fanfics as justification for why they were writing what they were writing (not that you need justification so long as your story is cool).

You can look up the Bechdel Test yourself and see what it's about but I'm pretty sure that every KH game except for BBS has failed it.


	26. On the topic of DDD

Dear Fanfiction,

I hope DDD has finally cleared everything up for you.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_You stole all my major plot bunnies. What am I supposed to do now?_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

_**x-x-x-x-x**  
><em>

Dear Fanfiction,

Don't ask me that question as if this is the be-all-end-all of you. I know you're just going to breed more.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

* * *

><p><strong>I feel like it's finally totally safe to talk about DDD publicly now that pretty much the whole world has it in their hands and in their native language.<strong> I hope not everyone was sad about the demise of their plot bunnies now that the revival of (most of) the orginal Organisation into their somebodies, journeying into the Realm of Sleep and Xehanort being revived are totally canon. Your crack-fic isn't so cracky anymore now that Nobodies officially can have feelings.

And canon is far too prudent to suggest writing more AU.


	27. Dear Canon I

_Dear Canon,_

_What is wrong with you? Riku bested Sora in a Mark of Mastery exam? That's the sort of nonsense that's only supposed to happen in __our __dreams. _

_Love,_

_Fanfiction_

__**x-x-x-x-x**

Dear Fanfiction,

You may take issue with what I do but I am the original.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

* * *

><p><strong>Breaking my own rules and doing 'Dear Canon' instead for a bit because I've FINALLY finished playing DDD and I feel that it is warranted.<strong>


	28. Dear Canon II

_Dear Canon,_

_You already had a plausible explanation for time travel in Kingdom Hearts II. Why did you have to make a stupid one in DDD?_

_Furthermore, why was it necessary for Xehanort to travel into the future to help himself with his master plan? And did you not see the giant paradoxes staring into your face or were you blinded by the intensity of their glare?_

_Love,_

_Fanfiction_

**x-x-x-x-x_  
><em>**

Dear Fanfiction,

The idea that there can only be on method of doing something is quite narrow-minded of you.

And yes, I did think about the paradoxes. That's why I specified ALTERNATE TIMELINES. And yes, it was necessary for Xehanort to help himself via time travel because the only way to ensure something is done right is to do it yourself.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

* * *

><p><strong>Doesn't change the fact that it's stupid.<strong>


	29. Dear Canon III

_Dear Canon,_

_I'm sorry, what? _

_So, exactly how do Somebodies get recompleted after both their Heartless and Nobodies are destroyed? Or is this a topic that Ienzo will always be conveniently interrupted on? _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

**x-x-x-x-x_  
><em>**

Dear Fanfiction,

We've already been through this in great detail.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_The 'great detail' only applies to Xehanort. What happened to everyone else?_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Originally Canon was supposed to give a reply to Fanfiction's second letter but I couldn't find a way for Canon to justify itself.<strong> Does anybody else have any reasonable ideas as to how all of the other Org.13 Nobodies managed to get recompleted?_  
><em>


	30. Dear Canon IV

_Dear Canon,_

_What was the point of Maleficent?_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

**x-x-x-x-x_  
><em>**

Dear Fanfiction,

Keyblade fodder.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon


	31. On the topic of AU prevalence

Dear Fanfiction,

I've lately been wondering how many of you actually know what goes on in my plot. I'm getting more concerned than ever about the prevalence of the AU.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon_

_Answer: All of us. _

_The prevalence of the AU is due to a lot of us feeling that the characters are far more interesting/understandable than the plot._

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Back to 'Dear Fanfiction' because this is one crazy fandom.<strong>_  
><em>


	32. On the topic of mpreg

Dear Fanfiction,

Mpreg is not a thing that should ever happen. Not only is it anatomically impossible, it is pointless. What purpose does having a man give birth serve?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_It's entertaining, that's what it is. I mean, come on! A genre of fanfiction that lets us fulfil our yaoi OTP's while at the same time our desire to have them fit neatly into typical long-term relationship family life? Yes please!_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

**x-x-x-x-x_  
><em>**

_Dear Canon,_

_Again, not us. _

_Love, _

_Fanboys_

* * *

><p><strong>I'm a fangirl but I personally think mpreg shouldn't be a thing that is as popular as it is<em>.<em>** I wrote an mpreg once ages ago and most of the feedback was people telling me to follow tropes and trends and make the yaoi couple end up as a happily-ever-after couple + 1. And then they got upset when I didn't make it happen. From then on I've been convinced that mpreg is actually an unusual form of torture porn, if the disturbing and usually traumatising and graphic birth scenes at the end are anything to go by.


	33. On the topic of vampires

Dear Fanfiction,

Simply turning the characters into vampires or werewolves is not an improvement.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_If you really thought that changing a character's genetic morphology was not an improvement, why did you think it was a good idea to turn the main characters into merfolk?_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>They didn't need to be mermen, they only needed the ability to arbitrarily breathe underwater.<strong>


	34. On the topic of werewolves

**btw, I changed the previous chapter. It was deleted and reuploaded because it wasn't worth any of the reviews it got. I am sorry.**

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction,<p>

No, really. Stop with the vampire and werewolf stories. I'm not Twilight.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_This seems to bother you a lot. In that case, maybe you should have made the Halloween Town version of Sora less cool. And while you're at it, have a go at making vampires and werewolves in general less cool. #thisisimpossible_

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

_P.S.: We were writing KH-vampirefics before Twilight was cool._

* * *

><p><strong>Hipster fandom, because I can (and because it's true). <strong>


	35. On the topic of grammar

**Ok, so apparently deleting a chapter no longer deletes all of the reviews you got for that chapter... well this is awkward.**

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction,<p>

Learn to spell.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Learm to grammer. _

"_Kingdom Hearts" makes no grammatical sense. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

**x-x-x-x-x**

Dear Fanfiction,

In many cases, you also need to "learn to grammar". Two words in a title from someone in a non-English speaking country is one thing, several sentences in a paragraph-less blurb from someone in an English speaking country is another.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

* * *

><p><strong>I can't believe it took me this long to decide to pull this one out.<strong>


	36. On the topic of making sense

Dear Fanfiction,

Keeping with reality and all of its physics and logic is not one of my prerogatives. Why pick on me when there are many other examples where the same thing occurs?

(see: pretty much everything that nerds have ever nerdgasmed over)

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Being non-aligned to logic and reality is ok._

_Making no sense is not ok. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Hating on DDD again because hardly anything in that game makes any sense by KH's own standards. <strong>


	37. On the topic of underage

Dear Fanfiction,

What is your obsession with underage relationships and statutory rape?

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon, _

_Well, all of the characters were already underage so it's technically your fault. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>hahaha! Nice try, Fanfiction.<strong>


	38. On the topic of songfics

Dear Fanfiction,

No songfics please. I am not Glee.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_We all reach that time in life when we can only adequately express ourselves through song. And the cast of Kingdom Hearts is more than adequately expressed through many an angst-ridden song. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

_P.S.: your hypocrisy rating just got 10% higher._

* * *

><p><strong>Now let's all sing "Finny Fun"! Yay! I also think songfics are stupid. But... eh...<br>**


	39. On the topic of PWP

Dear Fanfiction

Why bother with porn? After a while it's all the same stuff over and over again anyway.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Rule 34. _

_And because your teen demographic is teeming with sexual tension and desire. _

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_Please give us more Yuri material. _

_Love, _

_Fanboys_


	40. On the topic of consent

Dear Fanfiction,

Please keep it 'con'.

Yours Sincerely,

Kingdom Hearts Canon

**x-x-x-x-x**

_Dear Canon,_

_We don't tell you how to express your morality. So leave ours alone._

_Love, _

_Fanfiction_

* * *

><p><strong>Dubcon and noncon... not a problem in and of themselves, it's a problem when people write it and then continue on as if that's an okay relationship to have with someone, which it is not.<br>**


End file.
